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Sardar Jokes
Sardarji-yude thamaashakal vaayichirunnaal samayam pookunnathu ariyilla. Chiri aaroogyathinu nallathaanallo. Sardarji-de jokes vaayichaal chirickaathirickilla. Chirickaam, chirickaam, chirichum kondirickaam, chiriyude amittinu thiri koluthaam.
Paltalk-il njan vanna kaalathu (2005-il) aaroo paste cheythu thanna Sardar jokes vaayichu, chirichu chirichu carpet kappiyathu, oorthu pookunnu, lol. English-il samsaarickuvaan padickeendavarkkum nallathaanu sardarji jokes. Enjoy!
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Sardarji's weight loss:
The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kilometers a day for 300 days, he would
lose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight,
but he had a problem.
"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
I'm 2400 kms away from home...!!!
Fastest Thing in the World:
4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.
The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately." "That's a great answer," replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light....."
Sardar and the Lawyer:
Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa." Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000." This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn." Santa asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes back with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references ... no answer.
He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress ... no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail. After an hour, he wakes Santa and hands him Rs. 5000. Santa thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs Santa and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, Santa reaches into his purse, hands the lawyer Rs. 50, and goes back to sleep. And you thought Sardars were dumb.
Santa at the Udipi Restaurant :
Sardar Santa Singh goes to a Udipi hotel to have something to eat. He orders for Masala Dosa. The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see that Santa eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind. Santa then orders for 1 plate Samosa. Again this time the waiter notices that Santa eats only the filling and not the shell. Waiter is very curious. Santa next orders for Batata Vada. This time around also Santa eats only the filling and leaves the shell behind.
The waiter is losing his patience and walking upto Santa asks him, "Sardarji, aap dish ke under ka hi cheez kyon khaa rahe ho, kya baki cheez pasand nahi aaya..?"(why are you eating the inside stuff don't you like the rest of it.) Santa Singh says, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi isliye doctor ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat khaya karo..."{I am not feeling so well so the doctor told me not to eat outside stuff. (The doctor meant to eat only home-made food!)}
Santa's Interview at Microsoft :
Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks
Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.
Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab
You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho
our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai
Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.
No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai
shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.
Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya
Sardar and St Peter :
A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.
But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
Sardar and Tickets :
A porter loaded down with suitcases followed Mr. & Mrs. Santa to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
Sardar and Piano :
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think............. "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"
Mumbai to Pune :
This happened about a month or two ago near Lonavala and even though it sounds like something out of the X-Files or from an Alfred Hitchcock movie... it's real! This guy drives from Mumbai to Pune and decides not to take the new expressway as he wants to see the scenery. The inevitable happens and when he reaches the ghats his car breaks down - he's stranded miles from nowhere. Having no choice he starts walking on the side of the road, hoping to get a lift to the nearest human habitation. It's dark and raining and pretty soon he's wet and shivering. The night rolls on and no car goes by, the monsoon rains are so strong he can hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he sees a car coming towards him. It slows and then stops next to him - without thinking the guy opens the car's door and jumps in. Seated in the back, he leans forward to thank the person who had saved him when he realizes there is nobody behind the wheel...!!!
Even though there's no one in the front seat and no sound of any engine, the car starts moving slowly. The guy looks at the road ahead and sees a curve coming (remember, this is in the hills and there is a steep,steep drop beyond the curve). Scared almost to death he starts to pray, begging the Lord for his life. He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve, a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel! The car makes the curve safely and continues on the road to the next bend. The guy, now paralyzed in terror, watches how the hand appears every time they are before a curve and moves the steering wheel just enough to get the car around each bend. Finally, the guy sees lights ahead. Gathering his courage he wrenches open the door of the silent, slowly moving car, scrambles out and runs as hard as he can towards the lights.It's a small town. Wet and in shock goes to a roadside dhaba, which is open, and asks for a drink.They find some hooch and give him a shot. And he starts telling whoever is in the dhabba about the horrible experience he's just been through.
A silence envelops everybody when they realize the guy isn't drunk, and is really frightened - he's crying and shaking. So they give him more hooch and talk about what they should do, whether to call the police or find a priest, or what. But just then two guys (santa & banta) walk into the dhaba. One says to the other "Look, Banta - that's the guy who got in our car when we were pushing it."
Sardar and H20 :
What is the chemical formula for water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.
Teacher: what r u talking about?
Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.
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Sardar commits suicide :
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks
and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops
him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why
do you take these things with you?).
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na
marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)
Sardar's Exam :
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University
final examination. He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and
then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his
turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and
watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what
is going on.
Sir, I am only following the instructions
- 'Answer in brief'.
Flash News - Plane Crash :
Flash News:
A two seater plane has crashed in the graveyard in Punjab. Local Sardars have found 500 bodies so far and are still digging for more.
Sardar at NASA :
NASA was getting ready to launch a very important
space shuttle. The scientists and engineers checked and
double checked everything to make sure that things are fine.
However, on the day of our launch, something seemed
to be wrong. The rocket gave all sorts of noise but never
took off even an inch from the ground. The engineers were
puzzled because they could not figure out the problem.
Finally, there was a Sardar who offered
to help. They NASA people were desperate by that time and
agreed to do anything.
"Tilt the rocket 45 degrees to the right" said the
Indian scientist. The engineers were puzzled but did it anyway.
"Bring it back to vertical position" the Sardar said.
The engineers did.
"Now start the engines" he said. And surprise, the
rocket took off and flew into outer space!
Everybody congratulated him and asked him how he knew
what to do. He replied -
"It is very simple. This is what we always do with our
Bajaj scooters in India".
Sharabi Sardar :
There was once a competition involving three gruelling tests. The participants had to do the following in immediate succession:
1) Drink five bottles of hard whiskey in one go
2) Enter a room where there was a starving lion and pluck out its eyes with bare hands.
3) And then screw a very horny babe to her full satisfaction.
Many people bravely tried their hands (or should I say mouths) at it. Few could get beyond the first stage. And the inebriated few who managed it, got promptly eaten up by the starving lion. There was none who could read the third stage.
And then, one fine day, a nonchalant Sardar walked into the contest. Five bottles of whiskey were nothing for him. He emptied five bottles in five gulps. Then he said, "Bhale change hai hum, thagde hai. Bathao, lion kahan hai." When shown the room, he coolly walked in. There was no hint of fear on his face, but rather the cool confidence of a person who knew he could do it.
Sounds of a mammoth fight came from the room. Screams of the Sardar and growls of the lion were intermingled. Thumps and thuds which shook the very earth ensued. All of a sudden there was a piercing, heart-rending roar from the Lion. The audience waited with bated breath, their hair stood on end. And then, as suddenly as it had begun, the titanic roar stopped. An eerie silence prevailed.
As the audience watched, with eyes popping out, the door of the room opened, and out came the Sardar. Badly bruised, with blood streaming from his face, hands and legs, he stumbled out - victorious, nevertheless. His face had the glow of satisfaction of an emperor who had just won a battle.
And then he asked, "Where is the woman whose eyes I have to pluck out?"
Sardar's Letter :
Dhanya R Sankar
(Family friend)
London
Dear Dhanya,
I'm writing this letter real slow because I know you can't read very fast. We
don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents
happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that
lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change
their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts
in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.
Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and
five days the second time.
I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it
would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put
them in the pockets.
We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the
last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!
My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't heard whether it's a boy
or a girl, so I don't know if I'm an uncle or an aunt.
Uncle Balbir fell in the big whiskey vat. When they tried to pull him
out, he fought them off, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for
three days.
Friend, Santa
Ludhiana.
P.S : I was planning to enclose the money that I owe you with this envelope,
but I had already sealed this by then.
Delivered:
Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".
Smart sardarji :
A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.
The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.
Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'
Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.
A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.
Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.
Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.
'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'
The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'
Race to the Sun:
Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
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Ini pinne add cheyyaam, lol
